While I was sad to leave college, a part of me (a very small part) was looking forward to moving back home and relaxing while I figured out what the f*ck I was going to do with my life. That is until I went to Wegman’s and the world seemingly decided to turn against me as I bumped into every adult from my childhood I ever once knew. I was just trying to buy some wine and cheese(itz) – adult things of course – when I was faced with the dreaded question: “So..what are your plans? What are you doing? Do you have a job!?!?”.
For those of you like me (unemployed and mooching off your parents still), this scenario is a nightmare. How does one eloquently say “I am planning on watching tv all summer…possibly applying for a job or two during commercial breaks, or at least until Jojo picks the wrong bachelor and I’m so distraught that I feel the need to BURY myself in work for eternity.”
Since I obviously can’t tell my mom’s 4th best friend (but really just a “frenemy”) that, I’ve had to resort to some alternative ways to break the news that I am unemployed. Here are some of my go-to phrases when an adult feels like annoying the sh*t out of me by bringing up the dreaded question. Warning: reactions may be mixed.
1. “I’m actually a stay-at-home daughter.”
*please laugh and stop talking to me*
2. “I’m spending the summer learning skills to boost my resume”
I’m memorizing all the cable channel numbers
3. “I’m just taking a little time off to plan my next career move”
aka my life’s a mess and I’m avoiding everything
4. “I’m considering grad school”
I refuse to grow up
5. “I’m doing some freelance work while I apply for full-time positions”
I edited my mom’s email to her boss once
6. “I’m becoming an expert in Netflix.”
This one works best when the person you’re talking to is old as dirt and has zero clue what Netflix is
7. “I’m holding out for my dream job.”
At least this one sounds like I’m doing something other than eating and sleeping
8. “I’m blogging!”
This is actually true and adults now think I’m smart and ~ trendy ~
9. “I’m working and saving for my own place.”
little do they know by “working” I mean waitressing
10. “I have a job lined up with (made up company here) in September”
It’s a lie but 1) gives you an excuse to do nothing all summer, 2) how will they ever know? ;)
Some of these lines will go over better than others (read: expert in Netflix) but are still all different ways I’ve tried to comfort myself during these trying times as a post-grad. Share your go-to line in the comments below!